[78-L] Found it!

[Julian Vein]

On 09/12/15 19:08, Malcolm Rockwell wrote:
> A 1997 post by Malcolm:
>
>   > >Subject: How to sing the blues
>   > >
>   > >                           HOW TO SING THE BLUES
>   > >                     (attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray
>   > >                       with help from Uncle Plunky)
>   > >
>   > > 1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."
>   > >
>   > > 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you
>   > >    stick something nasty in the next line.
>   > >
>   > >      I got a good woman--
>   > >      with the meanest dog in town.
>   > >
>   > > 3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it.
>   > >    Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
>   > >
>   > >      Got a good woman
>   > >      with the meanest dog in town.
>   > >      He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
>   > >      and he weighs about 500 pounds.
>   > >
>   > > 4. The blues are not about limitless choice.
>   > >
>   > > 5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues
>   > >   transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin'
>   > >   plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to
>   > >   die.
>   > >
>   > > 6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues
>   > >   adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot
>   > >   a man in Memphis.
>   > >
>   > > 7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or
>   > >   Queens.  Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a
>   > >   depression.  Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the
>   > >   best places to have the blues.
>   > >
>   > > 8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
>   > >         a. violet
>   > >         b. beige
>   > >         c. mauvre
>   > >
>   > > 9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the
>   > >   lighting is wrong.
>   > >
>   > > 10. Good places for the Blues:
>   > >      a. the highway
>   > >      b. the jailhouse
>   > >      c. the empty bed
>   > >
>   > >     Bad places:
>   > >      a. Ashrams
>   > >      b. Gallery openings
>   > >      c. weekend in the Hamptons
>   > >
>   > > 11.  No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit,
>   > >     unless you happen to be an old black man.
>   > >
>   > > 12.  Do you have the right to sing the blues?
>   > >
>   > >      Yes, if:
>   > >      a. your first name is a southern state--like Georgia
>   > >      b. you're blind
>   > >      c. you shot a man in Memphis.
>   > >      d. you can't be satisfied.
>   > >
>   > >      No, if:
>   > >      a. you were once blind but now can see.
>   > >      b. you're deaf
>   > >      c. you have a trust fund.
>   > >
>   > >13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.
>   > >
>   > >14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the
>   > >    blues.
>   > >    Other blues beverages are:
>   > >      a. wine
>   > >      b. Irish whiskey
>   > >      c. muddy water
>   > >
>   > >     Blues beverages are NOT:
>   > >      a. Any mixed drink
>   > >      b. Any wine kosher for Passover
>   > >      c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
>   > >
>   > >15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues
>   > >    death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to
>   > >    die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied
>   > >    treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death, if you
>   > >    die during a liposuction treatment.
>   > >
>   > >16. Some Blues names for Women
>   > >        a. Sadie
>   > >        b. Big Mama
>   > >        c. Bessie
>   > >
>   > >17. Some Blues Names for Men
>   > >      a. Joe
>   > >      b. Willie
>   > >      c. Little Willie
>   > >      d. Lightning
>   > >
>   > >    Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted
>   > >    to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
>   > >
>   > >17B. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)
>   > >
>   > >     a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
>   > >     b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,
>   > >        Kiwi)
>   > >     c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
>   > >        Mix and Match
>
>
> _______________________________________________
>
It's a good idea to change the spelling of verbs ending "ing" to "in'". 
Change "this" to "dis". Double negatives are also acceptable.

      Julian Vein