[78-L] Can't resist sharing this ^

Michael Biel mbiel at mbiel.com
Thu Nov 7 17:36:05 PST 2013

One of Cary's facebook friends Randy Skretvedt copied the text:

 They call the trumpet "God's Instrument." The instrument that takes a
month to learn and a lifetime to master. Forget that. I'm giving you the
chance to own "Satan's Instrument." The instrument that takes a second
to hate and a lifetime to get used to. If your goal is world domination,
getting the ball rolling on the apocalypse, or simply disarming someone
who's a little too "rapey," this miniature flute of terror will hold the
game down. And how.

Brought to you by Lucifer himself, this 4SP Silver Plated Gemienhardt
Piccolo will serve his evil minion well. From it's compact
arthritis-inducing body this pipe will unleash a sound that can bring
entire crowds of people to their knees in pain and surrender. If you're
thinking of starting a bloody coup, leave the AK-47s and sarin gas at
home son, this picc is all you need.

This instrument has the ability to sing an A five lines above the staff
so crisp and clear that if you're not careful may actually cleave your
conductor's brain clean in half. It's highest note is one only dogs can
hear, that composers have dubbed "X."

Apart from the oboe, this is the only instrument able to kick a field
goal of pain right between the goal posts of your unfortunate target's
neurons, resulting in synaptic misfires, blown mental fuses, and a
complete breakdown of all left brain activity, leaving the right brain
to writhe in pain and confusion whilst scrambling all bodily motor
functions. Any soul unlucky enough to wind up on the business end of
Beezulbub's piccolo will instantly be reduced to the fetal position and
revoked of their right to free will.

Aside from violating several Geneva Convention protocols, this wailing
weaponry can produce frequencies that wreak havoc upon others by
- sudden unexpected nosebleeds
- aphasia
- heart palpitations
- aneurisms
- loss of sanity
- unexplainable rage
- spontaneous combustion
- abandonment of the will to live
- anal leakage

It's a common mistake to think that the piccolo also has side effects on
it's user. Many claim it causes acute narcissism, but in reality the
only people drawn to this instrument are already delusionally
narcissistic, have serial killer tendencies, and show traits as
promising future dictators.

Because of this instrument, I now rule over my own sovereign island,
where I preach from balconies and lounge in my throne poppin' bottles
while getting fanned with palm fronds waved by ridiculously hot cabana
boys. Tomorrow's forecast: Whatever the hell I want.

Since I'm livin' the dream, I'm retiring from my reign of terror and
passing on the torch. Being evil is an arduous, exhaustive effort, and
this musical scepter cannot be played by your average whitebread vanilla
villain. Only the most cunning, dextrous, morally ambiguous, and
questionably sane may apply. Who among you is worthy?

$300 obo. Willing to throw in a box of gravel and ship.
2 hours ago · Like

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Re: [78-L] Can't resist sharing this ^
From: David Lennick <dlennick at sympatico.ca>
Date: Thu, November 07, 2013 7:03 pm
To: 78-L Mail List <78-l at klickitat.78online.com>

A hilarious ad and description of a piccolo for sale. Too bad, I wonder
why it 
was removed?


On 11/7/2013 7:00 PM, Jeff Lichtman wrote:
> It's been removed from Craigslist. What was it?
>> http://kpr.craigslist.org/msg/4174429971.html
>> Originally forwarded by Cary to Facebook. And hey, there were piccolo 78s. Some
>> of you may even have enjoyed them.
>> dl
> - Jeff Lichtman
> jeff at swazoo.com
> Check out Swazoo Koolak Photography
> at http://swazoo.com/
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