[78-L] fwd: Music Test Answers ^ (too good to post only to 78-H)

[Kristjan Saag]

Purre (pseud. of Albert Holmkvist) and "Stilblommor och grodor" (1934). 
The title means "Rhetorical brilliance and blunders".
Kristjan
(As for rhetoric: don't confuse that with erotic, like the one who 
wrote: "Question-mark is used after all questions, except the erotical, 
to which one expects no answer." An example from the book.)


Thomas Stern wrote:
> who was the journalist, name of the book ?
> Thanks, Thomas.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: 78-l-bounces at klickitat.78online.com
> [mailto:78-l-bounces at klickitat.78online.com]On Behalf Of Kristjan Saag
> Sent: Friday, December 02, 2011 1:30 PM
> To: 78-L Mail List
> Subject: Re: [78-L] fwd: Music Test Answers ^ (too good to post only to
> 78-H)
>
>
> Fun reading, but all too similar to earlier attempts to fake unintended
> puns.
> A Swedish journalist published a book in the 1930's full of stuff like
> this "collected" from newspapers, official documents, school work etc.,
> but was fair enough to confess, in his foreword, that most of it was
> made up, but "in the style" of authentic errors.
> I bow my hat to his memory.
> Kristjan
>
>
> On 2011-12-02 18:42, David Lennick wrote:
>> These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the state
>> of Missouri:
>>
>>
>>
>> ·        Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
>>
>> ·        Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you better
>> not try to sing.
>>
>> ·        A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
>>
>> ·        Johann Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
>>
>> ·        Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.  He was rather
>> large.
>>
>> ·        Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He was so deaf he
>> wrote loud music.  He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
>> calling him, I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and
>> later died from this.
>>
>> ·        Henry Purcell is a well-known composer few people have ever heard of.
>>
>> ·        Aaron Copland is one of your famous contemporary composers.  It is
>> unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.
>>
>> ·        An opera is a song of bigly size.
>>
>> ·        In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda, who is the one he
>> really loves.  Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live happily
>> ever after.
>>
>> ·        When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing
>> eardrums.  But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.
>>
>> ·        Music sung by two people at the same time in called a duel.
>>
>> ·        I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say.
>>
>> ·        Caruso was at first an Italian.  Then someone heard his voice and said
>> he would go a long way.  And so he came to America.
>>
>> ·        A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on the
>> odium.
>>
>> ·        Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
>>
>> ·        Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields.
>>
>> ·        My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
>>
>> ·        My favorite composer is Opus.
>>
>> ·        A harp is a nude piano.
>>
>> ·        A tuba is much larger than its name.
>>
>> ·        You should always say celli when you mean there are two or more cellos.
>>
>> ·        Another name for kettle drums is timpani.  But I think I will just
>> stick with the first name and learn it good.
>>
>> ·        A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
>>
>> ·        While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
>>
>> ·        The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and bass
>> fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.
>>
>> ·        When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds.
>> So would anybody.
>>
>> ·        What are kettle drums called?  Answer: Kettle drums.
>>
>> ·        Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
>>
>> ·        A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
>>
>> ·        Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart.  I
>> found out and got in trouble.
>>
>> ·        The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits in the
>> first chair of the first violins.  This means that when a person is elected
>> concert master, he has to hurry up and learn how to play a violin real good.
>>
>> ·        For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every line
>> of flute music.  You just watch.
>>
>> ·        I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
>>
>> ·        The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.
>>
>> ·        Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to
>> be the conductor.
>>
>> ·        Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types.
>>
>> ·        The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument.
>>
>> ·        The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
>>
>> ·        A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so.
>>
>> ·        Tubas are a bit too much.
>>
>> ·        Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra.
>>
>> ·        I would like for you to teach me to play the cello.  Would tomorrow or
>> Friday be best?
>>
>> ·        My favorite instrument is the bassoon.  It is so hard to play people
>> seldom play it.  That is why I like the bassoon best.
>>
>> ·        Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a
>> pleasant sound once the animal is removed.
>>
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